I have had the misfortune of visiting an internet discussion forum on which one member posted that she needed to 'vent'. I fully expected her to hurry offline to deal with some very full beer caskets before they exploded, but what followed was a poorly written and badly punctuated diatribe about a member of her family. As far as I remember; and I have an excellent memory and education; the term 'vent' means to 'expel gas, air or liquid'. Whenever anyone says 'I need to vent' I form a mental image of them swelling up with hot gasses and a flap bursting open on the top of their head to expel the excess. Very unpleasant!
It is also very tiresome to overhear 'Sick', when they apparently mean 'great or nice'. This was explained to me when I called for a bowl and flannels when a visiting child yelled 'Sick' upon seeing Tarquin's quad bike. I also had a young man who stepped in front of me on the tube, who, when remonstrated with replied 'My bad'. I commented to Henrietta who happened to be with me that it was splendid that someone with a learning disability was so independent. She however pointed this out as meaning 'I apologise' rather than an abbreviated form of 'I have been a naughty boy.'
Beef is apparently no longer a very nice meat that must be carefully cooked to a perfect medium rare and served with horseradish sauce. This explains why I was met with such incomprehension when a woman I barely know came up to me in the village shop to tell me that she 'had a beef with me innit' and I stated that I was quite certain that I had served lamb at the village hall's annual farm worker's meal and I was Lady Fortesque not 'Innis'. It turned out that she had some very inconsequential grumble to make regarding the hours that her son was working for us on the shoot! The cheek of the woman I could perhaps forgive, but the mangling of our fine language I cannot.
In addition, when on earth did it become possible to 'screw up' anything other than paper to put into the fireplace? And as for the other meaning of screw. The term 'fuck' has always been perfectly good to describe a 'quickie' with someone to whom one is not married to. I deplore the bandying about of the terms 'fuck and 'fucking'. They are wonderful and powerful words when used appropriately. What else is one supposed to shout when the horse bolts or the inheritance tax is increased? These words are being cheapened by the those who have no appreciation of our wonderful and precious language. The first time that one said the word fuck used to be a very special and powerful moment that felt terrifically naughty. Now one can walk down any high street and hear it all the time, even small children use it in public without a second thought!
Dear, dear readers, there are so many examples that this post could become interminable. It is so important to keep our language alive and pure! Defend it darlings from further degradation whenever you can. Keep all of those lovely long and archaic words alive by using them wherever and whenever one can. Remember it is language, after all that separates us from the animals. And before anyone mentions Koko the gorilla I can point you to a very good animal trainer that will have one's horse counting before the week is out, but one still shouldn't expect Flicka to do one's accounts!
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